Six Word Saturday – Self Control

Semester end is drawing near…quickly!

I can’t believe that statement is true.  I feel like I just started this semester but I just updated my class schedules through the end of the semester and it is right there in front of us.  Staring me down.  Daring me to continue to be behind.  This semester has been a little rough and tumble.  Some of my classes have been great, but a majority of them have been hit and miss.  Some of that is traveling has required that I miss more classes than usual.  Some of it has been trying to use a new book (why?  why do I do this to myself?).  Some of it has been lack of focus because I’ve been somewhat stressed out about my mom’s health and the puppy and other things.  But, for whatever reason, this semester has not been my best.  But, such is life.  I have done some things better than in the past and others need a lot of work.  But, life is a work in progress and thankfully, I get a “do-over” every semester!  I’ll be making some much needed changes to my classes for next semester and hopefully alleviating some of the other stress in my life as well over the summer months.  The Fall will bring a new start and a better semester.

Despite all that, I do have a handful of weeks left this semester (I will be traveling for one of them) and I need to do my best to catch up with grading and end with a positive note for my students’ sake (and my own sake).  So, that is where I will be focusing my energies in the coming weeks.

Tuesday Truth

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First truth today:  Kids and puppies are the cutest when sleeping.  When sleeping together, they are even cuter:

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Second truth is that time does move faster when you get older.  I feel like this semester has barely begun and it ends in a matter of weeks.  Wha?  Where have the last three months gone and who lived them instead of me?  I feel like it is all speeding by and I can’t keep up and I’m missing so much.  It is strange and scary.  Turns out, it isn’t just me and I need to do new and unique things to slow time down.  Psychology Today says so!

Final truth.  My life would be so much better if I could live it like Jessica Fletcher lived hers.  Well, I wouldn’t want to necessarily see all those dead people every week, but other than that.  I would be a famous author who everyone loves and respects.  I would get to go to glamorous parties wearing glamorous clothes and meet glamorous people.  Actually, now that I think about it, I could skip that part too.  I would probably have to wear heels and I would much rather hang out in pajamas in my hotel room where room service would deliver my breakfast with the morning paper.  I would live in a pretty house with a nice garden and have eclectic friends who would come over for dinner parties each week.

But, alas, I am living my own life instead.  I don’t see many dead people (plus), but I’m not a famous author and everyone does not love and respect me (some do, but not everyone).  I can barely dress myself for work on most days.  I stay at hotels, but rarely order room service and when I do, no one brings me the morning paper with my food.  I live in a pretty duplex with a lot of dirt in the backyard that needs to have something done with it.  I have eclectic friends, but I don’t have many dinner parties.  I can barely get a meal together for me and my family on a regular basis.  So, I’ve got a ways to go to be on Jessica Fletcher’s level.

But, my life is not bad.  I have a beautiful daughter who survived many a medical ordeal and is now thriving.  Our puppy survived parvo and seems to be just as good as she was before she got sick.  I have a cat who is pretty aloof, but still wants to snuggle every once in a while.  I have eclectic friends who post funny, sad and interesting things on Facebook and make me want to visit with them in person at weekly dinner parties.  My house is lived in.  There are traces of fun just about everywhere.  But it is relaxed and not at all intimidating.  I have a husband who loves me despite all my flaws and foibles.  I have not one, but two jobs that I mostly love.  I have animals who I love and who are not “from hell” (I was watching My Cat is From Hell this weekend).  So, I’ll take it.  But, if someone wants to give me a writing contract and turn me into Jessica Fletcher, I’m ready to roll…except for the dead bodies and high heels.

Six Word Saturday

Dog sick, mom sick and tired.

Well, that about sums up the weekend.  My husband is home with a sick dog and I’m at my mom’s with a sick and tired mom.  Not exactly a stellar holiday weekend, but at least it is all covered and I’m giving my mom a little bit of financial break by being here.  My six year old is a bit bored, but she’s surviving and we’re all getting by.  The puppy has parvo.  She seems to be doing okay, but my husband is having to take her in to the vet everyday for IV treatments and anti-nausea shots.  That’s $130 a day.  Plus the $430 for the first day of treatment.  That was pretty much the last thing we needed at the beginning of a new month.  But, again, we’ll get by.  We are going to dinner at my sister’s tomorrow and then heading back home.  But, I’m sure we will be here at my mom’s a lot more going forward to help her out.  So, now I have to figure out how to balance everything going forward.  But, we’ll figure it out.  Somehow…

Five Minute Friday – Good

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I am participating in Five Minute Friday again!  I can do anything for five minutes.  Right?  So can you!  Write for five minutes on this week’s word:  GOOD and then link up over at Heading Home!

——->  GO!

So, this week’s topic, “Good” is kind of an obvious connection to this Friday being Good Friday.  But, I’m going to skip the holiday/Holy day connection and just focus on “good”.

I am spending the weekend with my mom again who is in hospice care.  She isn’t terribly ill (not like my Dad was when he was in hospice care), but she has a lot of pain (cancer) and even before this she suffered from a lot of anxiety and depression.  It is so hard sometimes to be around her because everything is so negative and although I know that is just her depression and anxiety speaking a lot of the time and that she has no control over it necessarily, it reminds me how important it is to recognize the good when you find some.  Sometimes it is but just a grain of sand on a beach of “bad” or suffering, but that grain can make all the difference in the world to the person who is able to find it and take it and hold on to it for dear life.  I guess I can sort of tie this in the Holy day connection, because that is basically what Easter is all about – finding the good in the tragic circumstances of the crucifixion.  Recognizing that from all this pain and suffering would come good and grace.  That hope against all hopes.

So, I’m going to try to start focusing on the good in my life more.  I’m going to try not to complain as much.  I’m going to try to focus on the grain of greatness instead of the sea of suffering.

–DONE.

There you have it!  I hope you’ll link up and join the write-in over at Five Minute Friday!  :)

Tuesday Truth

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This week’s truths are a few:

Anxiety and depression are depressing.  I think I’ve said here that my mom went into hospice care in late January.  Although they have tried a couple of different drugs and started her on another one this week, her anxiety and depression are pretty severe right now.  She will call me crying about things that are obviously nothing to worry about, but that are driving her crazy.  The meds are giving her tremors (or maybe she is just getting them due to weakness?) and she is constantly depressed about that.  It is difficult to talk to her and now I’m going to spend the weekend there this weekend.  I honestly think this may be the last Easter she is alive, so I feel like its important to spend time with her when I can.  In addition, me staying there allows her to go without paying for 24 hour care for the time I’m there, so it saves her around $700 since she pays a little over $200 a day for care.  Finally, it just makes her feel more comfortable.  Not happy.  Not at peace.  But, more comfortable.  So, why not?  It certainly isn’t going to be a joyful weekend, but it will is important to do.

Memory is a crazy thing.  Realizing that our six year old has no recollection of things that happened when she was three or four years old, because those memories are so vivid in my own memory.  Tonight we were reading Yoko by Rosemary Wells (she is a huge Max and Ruby fan currently) and I told her that Rosemary Wells also wrote Noisy Nora, which she watched on DVD from the library over and over and over when she was three and four.  She had no recollection.  She used to laugh and laugh whenever Nora knocked anything over.  We found the video online and watched it again and she did not find it nearly as funny, nor did she remember it at all.  I’m not surprised because I don’t have any memories before the age of five and then there are only a few memories when I was five or six or seven.  I don’t really have complete memories until the age of eight or so.  But, it is strange to actually watch those memories disappear for her.  Interesting article about childhood memory and who remembers more of childhood and what influences it.  Turns out, I’m pretty normal.

That’s all I have for today.  There are more truths, but I don’t have time or energy tonight to talk about them.  Enjoy these – and comment with any truths you have for today!

Six Word Saturday

Will I ever get it together?

That, my friends, is what I feel like this week.  And, in reading some of what I wrote three and two and one year ago, it is what I feel like a lot of the time.  I try to do self-help, organizing, decluttering, etc. projects constantly and nothing sticks.  I feel like I can pull it together short term and then I just get tired and can’t follow through.  What is my problem?

I know I need the following things in my life to truly get it together:

1)  A routine/family schedule that includes the following items:

  • Exercise
  • Meal plan
  • Chore list

2)  A budget.

Really, those two things would do wonders toward me getting it together, whatever IT is.  I have a calendar hanging on our wall that no one much checks other than me and often I will forget to write things on there because I put it in my Google calendar or something.  I’ve been trying to follow a plan where at the end of each month (so today for example) I sit with the wall calendar and my Google calendar and “sync” everything so-to-speak.  But, mid-month, things fall through the cracks.  I don’t really exercise.  We are constantly eating out despite having tons of food in our fridge, freezer and pantry – often a lot of that food goes bad before we eat it.  I am the only one who does stuff around the house on a regular basis.  And I get bogged down in other things or leave on a work trip and the whole house becomes a $#%* show.  I’m not kidding.  Garbage piles up on the floor and every flat surface (because Lord knows that walking the five feet to the garbage can to throw away a fruit treat wrapper or a fast food wrapper would be overly onerous).  Clothes are EVERY where – on the living room floor, bathroom floors, bedroom floors, piled up in the laundry room.  I don’t even know what is clean and dirty sometimes.  Dishes get left everywhere.  It is seriously like I live with people who were raised by wolves – and I’m currently raising one of them.  So, what does that make me?  So, I need a new plan.  I need a new determination and discipline.  I need some motivation for myself and others…ideas would be appreciated.

The budget thing is a whole other beast.  Both my husband and I are impulsive spenders.  We have some things we plan for, but nothing is ever budgeted out.  We just spend money until we run out pretty much.  And we end up with a lot of stuff we don’t need/want.  So, that contributes to my overwhelm in the first department – cluttered living conditions.  But, every time I try to set up a budget I realize just how much we overspend, get depressed and just give up.  I vow to stop spending, but don’t really do it and so, here I am. I must admit that I’m also one of those people who feel like I “deserve” things because I work a lot.  But, I don’t realize how many “things” I have/get.  So, yeah.

I need a counselor…that’s what I really need.  Or a life coach.  A serious, kick-me-in-the-butt, make-me-do-what-I-don’t-want-to-do life coach.  Volunteers?

Five Minute Friday – Break

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I’m participating in this week’s Five Minute Friday.  This week’s word is “break”.  Here we go:

Break…I need one.  Badly.  As I type this, my 6 yo daughter is whining from the bath that she wants to get out.  My house is a total disaster.  My husband is eating ribs that he made on his smoker while almost burning up the smoker.  He is saying to leave her in there because she has been so whiny today.  His frustration and her whininess feed off of each other.  Our puppy is out back, but she will soon be in and mauling everyone and everything in sight.  I talked to my  mom today who is in hospice and she was crying.  My life is currently exhausting, frustrating and completely overwhelming.

I know this is just a temporary thing.  I know that my mom will not be here forever and I have to appreciate the time I have with her.  I know that my daughter will grow up and instead of whininess, we will get attitude and slammed doors and silence.  I will miss these days, not because of what these days were (I will never miss that), but because they will have gone by and people will leave us or change.  But, when you’re in it, it is really hard to appreciate that.  So, I keep trying to remind myself that this, too shall pass, and I will wish for these days back, despite the difficulty and the sadness and the frustration and the mess.

But, for now, I would just like a break.

—-> That’s it, five minutes is up.  What about you?  Consider joining Five Minute Friday and sharing your five minutes of thoughts with us!